his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
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We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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