you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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