The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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