i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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