so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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