she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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