There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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