even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
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You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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