you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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