you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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