there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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