It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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