Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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