I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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