My underwear smells like fireworks.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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