oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
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We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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