Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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