I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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