I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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