im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
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Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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