Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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