life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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