I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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