new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
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We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
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I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize