Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize