what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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