I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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