Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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