Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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Hippo gnu deer
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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