U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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