she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
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I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
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What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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