are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize