He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize