I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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