My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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