tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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