My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can text with my tongue
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize