Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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