hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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