dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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