I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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