I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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