We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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