he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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