I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize