so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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