I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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