Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize