I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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