is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
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I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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